Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
