I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
