Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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