she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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