Banned from zoo.
Again?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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