He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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