I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize