Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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