somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
