Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize