Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
