Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
