Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
