We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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