Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
