Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
