I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
