she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
