Just mADE A PArabola og urine
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
