I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
