he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
