apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
