i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
