dude i'm inner monologue high
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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