oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
