i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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