I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize