I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize