like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
