The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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