Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
