It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
wow bdsm is so cute
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
