Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
