omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
