ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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