Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
