Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My hand turned me down
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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