it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
