But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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