Sponge bath it is.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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