I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Someone shattered a urinal.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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