Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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