Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
