i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
