dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You're earring is so big in my mouth
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
