love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
