I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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