Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
