I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
where are my eyebrows?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
