Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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