I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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