puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This is my gift to your gina
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
