I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize