Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
