When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
