I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
