A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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