i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so much tequila, so little girl.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
