we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
