at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
