so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I look better un-naked...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
