i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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