Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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