i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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