I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
