Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
