Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
