We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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