none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
