every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
