totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
