...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
