I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
