I cut my penus on the lid.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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