I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
