Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
