4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize