I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
