i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize