if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
