I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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