haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
