I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
