Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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